Just drew this now,

dunno why,
or if its worth
posting.


oh well.

The Red and the White

I am trapped in a prison. A prison with no walls or locks or guards
I am confined by nothing, not even myself.
The prison does not exist physical or mentally,
i am not trapped inside a bulding or inside my mind,
yet i am still trapped.

I am free to leave my prison. I am free to walk the world as i see fit
but the world has no place for me, so i have no place to walk,
thus i am trapped.

Of course that is not the end.

The world too is in a prison, It, unlike myself,
is confined by everything.
The entire universe holds it in place and All keeps it there.

The world is trapped.

The universe, others would say, could not be trapped, for it is everything. But, that is the confinement, the universe is all things, a thing itself that cannot be changed.

So, the universe is trapped.

I am nothing, so i am free.
That is still not the end.

Though who is to decide that being free be a blessing,
confinement a curse. Were the world, or the Verse,
be set free from its ways then all would be lost.
And chaos ensue.
People may struggle against such things,
draw conclusions to such words
but that doesnt mean they are right. So i exist, yet i do not.

I am trapped, yet I am free.
The Red, and the White.

Mr. Saturday Night

so im not outside tonight.. bit warm for me anyway..

had meant to do a drawing.. havent.. but meant to, seeing as i dont draw anymore, and i should, least something each day. Thats why i started this blog.. as some sort of reason to kick myself into doing what i love the most, but do the least.

Instead, i start talking to some people, and the steady decline of my mental capabilities, which was fun for awhile. The conclusion (self-proclaimed) was that im pretty dumb, but not enough to be unaware of it, and thus enjoy my stupidity. Nope, im intelligent enough to understand just how much i dont know. Although i can also be fairly confident that you dont you know some of the things i do.

Oh and then i thought about hitting a chat room. You know, an attempt to communicate with some interesting people and discuss something of value. Yeah, im a little slow.. took a couple of minutes of looking at the list of results before i realised the chances of that on an internet chatroom. The last time i was in a chat room (a long long time ago) it was 80% "a/s/l?", 18% "hey baby..." from/to ppl that'll never meet or see each others real image and 2% absue. But, if the abusing got going it would become 80% of the chat.. but only when it was helped along, which was where we came in. Kids fun, argueing (well, mostly swearing back then) at people we didnt know. I still hold today that argueing can indeed be fun.. sounds wierd, but it works in my head.

In summary, no pic for you! Instead you got a dumb rant. And chatrooms are bad, unless you want to meet your soulmate, or so they promise.

Two Months later...

Solitude.. That lovely spot between feeling sleepy

but wide awake, the joyeous point of post humor, lack luster,

sensitvie, pregenerative, regenerative, energetic, majestic.

The words of a madman feeling mad and sad and glad.

The impulse to do, to want, even the need.. but the not.

the void, the lack, the holding ones back.. the doubt,

the fear.. it all becomes clear as i sit here asleep, but

awake, i debate my choices, my needs.. Blue reeds..

I turn my back and there it is, the fabled laugh, the raucous din

questions to ask, but noone to here, why am i alone in here.

I close my eyes to shed a tear but all the world will see is cheer,

the smile without the pain within, lifes about hope not sin.

So do i live? Do i feel, do i exist... am i an eel?

I ask myself that, ive been asking awhile, ive even asked others.

Can i exist in this world, the world, your world.. im not even sure i exist in my own.

When the me that is my, is not my own, but a me who is him,

then who am i? where am i? and why am i not with you.

Ah, the sleepiness again, the solitude runs through,

runs deep and ends... nowhere else to flow.

let it go... no.